LEW
I’m glad you had a good time shooting the Crystal Gayle episode of The Muppet Show, but I still won’t let you make that movie about her.
JIM
What are you talking about?
LEW
Isn’t she supposed to play the Dark Crystal?
JIM
What? No. I don’t think you understand – the crystal won’t be played an actress. It’s stone.
LEW
Jon Stone is playing the Dark Crystal?
JIM
No, you know what a crystal is. It’s like a jewel.
JERRY JUHL
I’m playing the Dark Crystal?
JIM
Oh, good lord.
LEW
That’s me! Am I playing The Dark Crystal?
JIM
Yeesh. This is what I get for having artistic ambitions and lofty goals.
DAVE GOELZ
You called, sir?
JIM
Okay, this was cute for a little while, but now it’s just starting to hurt.
JOHN HURT
When people told themselves their past with stories–
JIM
No, no, stop it! You know I meant hurt as in pain!
BOB PAYNE
Wow, I honestly didn’t think I’d be included in this biopic, but it’s nice to know I made the grade!
LEW
That’s me again! I guess now the ball’s in my court!
HOLMES A COURT
Hi, I’m taking this company now. Get out of my office.

NARRATOR
While in office as President of The Puppeteers of America, Jim Henson signed legislation to liberate the Inkspots, defended the right to bear arm-rods, instituted the 30-minute work week, ended the war on Suggs, and had the entire country raised about six feet above the ground so the puppeteers could stand.
We see images of Jim Henson standing in front of American flags as Sam the Eagle cries tears of patriotic pride.
NARRATOR (CONT’D)
Perhaps he is best remembered for his support for gay rights, which ultimately led to an absolute banger on the Avenue Q soundtrack – a song that is stuck in your head to this day. However…
We see dramatic, black and white images of Jim in the War Room, which happens to look a lot like Muppet Central.
NARRATOR (CONT’D)
His presidency was also marked by conflict. By this point, the prank war between Dave Goelz and Jocelyn Stevenson had a body count. In the months leading up to The Slaughter at Fraggle Rock, it became clear to Jim that his plan to make a children’s show to bring war to the world… was working.

ORIGINAL TWEET

INT. DAVE GOELZ’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
The digital clock on the nightstand shows that it’s 2:30 AM. Dave is lying in the bed, SNORING, but we can’t really see him because he’s completely covered by his sheets.
Outside the window, a CLOAKED FIGURE appears, wearing a scary Halloween mask. She opens the window and sneaks up to the bed with over-the-top tip-toeing. She pulls back the covers and YELLS SCARY SOUNDS.
But there’s no one under the covers — just a bunch of pillows. The figure pulls off her mask. It’s JOCELYN STEVENSON, looking confused and alarmed. She notices the tape player beside the bed playing the FAKE SNORING SOUND.
Then, a calm yet haunting voice fills the room:
DAVE (O.S.)
Hello, Jocelyn.
On the big TV screen behind her, Dave Goelz appears, smiling menacingly, surrounded by his new pairs of shoes.
DAVE
That’s one more victory for ol’ Davey Goelz in The Great Fraggle Rock Prank War.
RICHARD (O.S.)
Or is it?
Dave looks up at the ceiling as Richard Hunt, YELLING INCOHERENTLY, falls on top of him.

ORIGINAL TWEET

DAVE
Frank, we’re worried about Jim. He’s really disappointed that they cancelled The Jim Henson Hour.
FRANK
What’s The Jim Henson Hour?
DAVE
I’m not sure, but I did about 13 episodes. Anyway, he’s disappeared and nobody knows where he would have gone.
FRANK
If he’s as depressed about it as you’re saying, there’s only one place he could be.
EXT. ENGLAND – DAY
Jim is sitting on a bench in England. Frank walks up to the bench from behind.
FRANK
Is this seat taken?
JIM
Frank? How did you know where to find me?
FRANK
This is where you always go when you’re upset…
Frank gestures around at England.
FRANK (CONT’D)
England.

ORIGINAL TWEET

In a montage set to “YOU CAN’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER,” we see Jim and his team go to all of the American television networks and get doors slammed in their faces. Note that the song will have to be played at 900% speed since there are only three doors and this will not take long.
INT. BUS TERMINAL – DAY
Jim, Frank, Jerry, Jerry, Dave, Richard, and Don are all sitting in their lockers.
RICHARD
What do we do now?
JIM
I guess all we can do is pray.
They all close their eyes and bow their heads.
JIM (CONT’D)
O Mighty Favog, we humbly ask your blessing upon our-
Jim is interrupted by a MAN yelling for him.
WAITER (O.S.)
Mr. Hanson? Mr. Hanson?
The man is the STEVE MARTIN WAITER, who walks up to the lockers holding a telephone.
WAITER
Are you Hanson, as in “MMMBop?”
JIM
No, Henson, as in “HmmmBop.”
WAITER
Telephone call for you – it’s some British guy.

ORIGINAL TWEET