JIM (CONT’D)
So that’s when I said, “That’s nice, but the reason I flew to England was to discuss your offer to produce The Muppet Show!” Eh? Get it?
Jim smiles as he waits for laughter. Michael, Jerry Juhl, Jocelyn, and Duncan all just stare at him in silence. Jim’s smile fades as the rest of them exchange awkward glances.
JOCELYN
Well, it’s certainly interesting.
JIM
You don’t like it.
Jim, moping, takes off his big Fozzie-esque comedian tie.
JERRY J
Jim, you’re very good at comedy when you’re playing silly characters, and you’re a great director! We all get a kick out of your work. But, maybe you’re just not cut out for comedy without puppets. You’re certainly not ready for stand-up.
JIM
Yeah, I suppose you’re right.
He tosses his tie into the waste basket.
JIM (CONT’D)
Anyway, I suppose you’ve been wondering why exactly I’ve called this meeting. Well I’ll tell you: I want to do a children’s show that brings peace to the world.
Everyone else is stunned. They look at Jim with amazement. Slowly, gradually, they all get big smiles on their faces that turn to LAUGHTER. Everyone starts LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY except for Jim, who looks confused.
Jocelyn is slapping her knee. Jerry has a fit of CACKLING, rocking back and forth like his stomach is in pain from laughter. Michael is banging his fists and his head on the table. Duncan is practically HOWLING AND SCREAMING. They all fall out of their chairs and start rolling on the floor with laughter. This goes on for about three solid minutes.
Finally, they pick themselves up off the floor. Jerry suddenly runs out the door into the lobby.
JERRY J
Hey, everybody! My friend Jim is going to tell you the funniest joke in the world!
Michael and Duncan shove Jim into the lobby.
JERRY J
(to Jim)
Go on, tell ‘em!
Jim still doesn’t understand what’s happening.
JIM
I think we should do a children’s show that brings peace to the world.
Everyone else in the lobby drops their things and falls onto the floor with WILD LAUGHTER. They’re crying, kicking, and flailing their arms around. Jim hangs his head in disappointment.
Suddenly, everyone forms a delighted mob around Jim and picks him up, carrying him out of the lobby.
CUT TO:
INT. COMEDY CLUB – EVENING
To a packed, standing room only crowd, a COMEDIAN, 27, is performing on stage, and the audience is enjoying it.
COMEDIAN
So the grizzly bear, he walks out of the room. Well, now, the panda bear–
He is suddenly cut off as the mob carrying Jim rushes onto stage and pushes the comedian off. They put Jim down in front of the microphone as Duncan adjusts it to his height.
MICHAEL
Here he is, folks, the greatest comedian in the history of humankind… Jim Henson!
The mob hurries into the wings and HUSHES themselves. Jim is standing in the spotlight in silence, looking depressed. He shyly rubs his arm. Finally, he quietly mutters:
JIM
I wanna do a show that brings peace to the world.
The audience just stares at him. They’re waiting for a punchline. Jim starts to walk off-stage. Suddenly, the whole audience erupts in what feels like an EXPLOSION OF LAUGHTER. They are holding onto one another just to stay standing, and they all start hugging each other and crying. The room is filled with thunderous CHEERS and APPLAUSE, and then becomes an orgy. They’re HOLLERING for more. Jim woefully walks back up to the microphone, accepting his fate. Off-stage in the wings, the comedian is yelling into a telephone.
COMEDIAN
Eddie! Eddie! It’s Marvin! …Your cousin, Marvin Murphy. You know that new comedy style you’re looking for? Well LISTEN to THIS!

FADE IN
EXT. SESAME PLACE – DAY
We open on Sesame Street, USA, in Sesame Place at The Muppetland Resort. We DOLLY IN toward the iconic statue of Jim Henson and Kermit the Frog, with the Goblin City Castle behind it. Children pass by carrying Kermit balloons, eating Kermit ice cream bars, and wearing Fraggle tails.
MICHAEL EISNER, 56, walks into frame.
EISNER
Hello, I’m Michael Eisner, Chairman of The Jim Henson Company. On tonight’s program, we have two special treats for you. The first is a new film called, ‘A Bad Jim Henson Biopic,’ in which the Muppets try to tell the story of Jim Henson, but all their information is wrong. It’s kind of a science fiction story that takes place in an alternate universe where Jim Henson never bought The Walt Disney Company, and he dies at the age of 53. It sounds far-fetched, I know – especially the part where the second-billed co-star of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ gets to make his own Muppet movie – but Jim says we have to air it. After that, stay tuned for a sneak peek of our newest ride, Journey into Imagination Illustrated, featuring over a dozen animatronic Karen Falks singing together.

NARRATOR
While in office as President of The Puppeteers of America, Jim Henson signed legislation to liberate the Inkspots, defended the right to bear arm-rods, instituted the 30-minute work week, ended the war on Suggs, and had the entire country raised about six feet above the ground so the puppeteers could stand.
We see images of Jim Henson standing in front of American flags as Sam the Eagle cries tears of patriotic pride.
NARRATOR (CONT’D)
Perhaps he is best remembered for his support for gay rights, which ultimately led to an absolute banger on the Avenue Q soundtrack – a song that is stuck in your head to this day. However…
We see dramatic, black and white images of Jim in the War Room, which happens to look a lot like Muppet Central.
NARRATOR (CONT’D)
His presidency was also marked by conflict. By this point, the prank war between Dave Goelz and Jocelyn Stevenson had a body count. In the months leading up to The Slaughter at Fraggle Rock, it became clear to Jim that his plan to make a children’s show to bring war to the world… was working.

ORIGINAL TWEET

INT. DAVE GOELZ’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
The digital clock on the nightstand shows that it’s 2:30 AM. Dave is lying in the bed, SNORING, but we can’t really see him because he’s completely covered by his sheets.
Outside the window, a CLOAKED FIGURE appears, wearing a scary Halloween mask. She opens the window and sneaks up to the bed with over-the-top tip-toeing. She pulls back the covers and YELLS SCARY SOUNDS.
But there’s no one under the covers — just a bunch of pillows. The figure pulls off her mask. It’s JOCELYN STEVENSON, looking confused and alarmed. She notices the tape player beside the bed playing the FAKE SNORING SOUND.
Then, a calm yet haunting voice fills the room:
DAVE (O.S.)
Hello, Jocelyn.
On the big TV screen behind her, Dave Goelz appears, smiling menacingly, surrounded by his new pairs of shoes.
DAVE
That’s one more victory for ol’ Davey Goelz in The Great Fraggle Rock Prank War.
RICHARD (O.S.)
Or is it?
Dave looks up at the ceiling as Richard Hunt, YELLING INCOHERENTLY, falls on top of him.

ORIGINAL TWEET

DOOZ. DOOZERS – DOOZERS
Doozers Doozers Doozers.
DOOZERS
Doozers?
DOOZERS
Doozers!
Doozers Doozers.
DOOZERS (DOOZ’D)
(doozers)
Doozers.

ORIGINAL TWEET

JIM
(out of breath)
I guess it was all just a bad dream. Thank goodness that’s over!
TAMINELLA (O.S.)
Not quite!
Jim panics as he looks around the room to see all the most famous Muppet villains (created in his lifetime): Taminella Grinderfall, Miss Finch, Bugsy Them, Wander McMooch, The Riverbottom Nightmare Band, the humans from The Muppet Musicians of Bremen, and now we’re pretty much out of options. There aren’t a lot of good Muppet villains. It kind of puts a damper on the whole nightmare sequence. Maybe just add Elmo for good measure.