JIM
Hello there, my name is Jim Henson and I’m a puppeteer looking for love. Are you the love I’ve been waiting for? I like long walks on Hampstead Heath, novelty records, The Wizard of Oz, and going to see Les Misérables again to cry and cry and cry. For me, the ideal date would be a steak dinner so I can do my “manly man cutting the steak” voice, and then we’ll have some poor waiter bring out a big dessert tray and explain each and every one of them to me as I wiggle my finger at them and say, “so what’s that one there?” It’s really great. If that sounds like a nice date to you, why don’t you come down to New York and talk about the Muppets?

FRANK
Hello there, my name is Frank Oz and I’m a puppeteer – just for now – looking for love. I like long talks about the craft of filmmaking, high art, and character purity. For me, the ideal date would be going to the store for a can of beans and not even recognizing each other.

CAROLL
Hello there, my name is Caroll Spinney and I’m a puppeteer. Before I ask you out, do you have any old photos of yourself with different hairstyles so I can verify whether or not I’ve asked you already?

JANE
Jim is doing what now?!

RICHARD
Hello there, my name is Richard Hunt and I’m a puppeteer. When I’m not performing one of my characters, I’m often working as a right-hander. What I’m looking for in a partner is a two-hander.

JERRY JUHL
Hello there, my name is Jerry Juhl and I used to be a puppeteer. I was actually the first one to join the Muppets after Jim and Jane! Kind of a big deal, right? What I’m looking for in a woman is someone who won’t threaten to turn me into a frog like my last one. God, she was hot.

BOB PAYNE
Hello there, remember me?? I was the first puppeteer to join the Muppets after Jim and Jane, not Jerry!!! Look it up! What I’m looking for in a partner is someone who will remember I exist.

JERRY NELSON
Sorry, what was his name again? “Bob Payne,” you said? Nope, never heard of him.

EISNER
Hello, I’m Michael Eisner, chairman and CEO of The Walt Disney Company. What I’m looking for in a partner is someone honest, dependable, loyal, respectful, obedient, and with a strong sense of corporate ethics. What I don’t want is someone who wastes company money like Michael Ovitz. For me, the ideal date would be stealing the rights to Sesame Street.

BRIAN
Hi, I’m Brian Henson. This dating video stars Brian Henson, the son of my father, Jim Henson. My father once tried to set me up with Debbie Harry, and I often tell the story of when everyone from The Muppet Show had dinner with her and watched her butt as she walked away. We took great pride in that. I guess the love I’ve been waiting for is Debbie Harry’s butt. For me, the perfect date would be hiding from David Bowie.

CAROLL
Hello there, my na– I have? Oh, sorry, never mind.

RICHARD
hElLo ThErE, mY nAmE iS jIm HeNsOn AnD i ThInK fRaNk Oz Is tHe BeSt PuPpEtEeR eVeR aNd I jUsT wAnT tO kIsS hIs LiTtLe BuTt

JIM
Hello there, my name is Jim Henson and I’m a puppeteer. I’m called a puppeteer because I’m very manipulative and I make people say whatever I want them to.
JERRY JUHL
I don’t think that’s your personality at all, Jim.
JIM
Yes it is.
JERRY JUHL
Yes it is.

JIM
Hello there, my name is Jim Henson, and I’m here to ask you to stop thirst-Tweeting about me. It makes me uncomfortable. You see, I like to think of the Muppets as a family, and I’d like you to think of me as “daddy” as I put you over my knee and spank you, you naughty girl.

Jim
Hello there, my name is Jim Henson, and I’m still stuck in the Cube. Let me out!

JIM
Hello there, my name is Jim Henson, and I’m the director of a movie called E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial. You’ve probably heard of it since it won a whole bunch of awards and made a lot of money and everybody liked it. Now, when Steven Spielberg first told me that he was directing something called The Dark Crystal, I told him, “Stevie, that is a bad idea. Audiences won’t understand it.” But he made The Dark Crystal anyway, while I was making E.T. To prove it to you, here he is now: Steven Spielberg.
FRANK
I don’t wanna do this. The beard itches.
JIM
It’ll be good for the company, Frank.
FRANK
(sighs)
HI, I’m Steven Spielberg. I made The Dark Crys–
JIM
With feeling!
FRANK (CONT’D)
HI I’M STEVEN SPIELBERG I MADE THE DARK CRYSTAL AND PEOPLE DIDN’T LIKE IT AND JIM HENSON MADE E.T. AND EVERYBODY LIKED IT AND JIM THIS IS EMBARRASSING. Can I please just go direct movies now?
JIM
Yeah, sure, you can do the next Muppet movie if you want.
FRANK
Really?
JIM
Sure, I don’t care – I’m the guy who made E.T., motherfrogger!

JIM
Hello there, my name is Jim Henson, and I’m going to be your new dad! I want you to know that I love your mother very much, and I’m hoping you and I can be good friends.
Jim ruffles your hair and then gives you some ice cream. For once, you are happy.

ORIGINAL TWEET

JIM
Hello there, my name is Jim Henson and I’m a dad guy, but it wasn’t always that way. Let me tell you a little story.

ORIGINAL TWEET