LEW
I’ll make you a deal. I will produce The Dark Crystal only if you make another Muppet movie. The Dark Crystal is too big a risk on its own.
I still don’t understand it.
JIM
Is that maybe because half the characters are speaking a language that doesn’t exist?
LEW
No, you should definitely keep that part in until it’s extremely difficult to change. I just don’t understand what the story is about.
JIM
Then let me explain it to you again. Let’s start with The Great Conjunction.
LEW
Is that the part where the suns all line up to form a sky nipple?
JIM
Okay so understand the important part then.

LEW
I’m glad you had a good time shooting the Crystal Gayle episode of The Muppet Show, but I still won’t let you make that movie about her.
JIM
What are you talking about?
LEW
Isn’t she supposed to play the Dark Crystal?
JIM
What? No. I don’t think you understand – the crystal won’t be played an actress. It’s stone.
LEW
Jon Stone is playing the Dark Crystal?
JIM
No, you know what a crystal is. It’s like a jewel.
JERRY JUHL
I’m playing the Dark Crystal?
JIM
Oh, good lord.
LEW
That’s me! Am I playing The Dark Crystal?
JIM
Yeesh. This is what I get for having artistic ambitions and lofty goals.
DAVE GOELZ
You called, sir?
JIM
Okay, this was cute for a little while, but now it’s just starting to hurt.
JOHN HURT
When people told themselves their past with stories–
JIM
No, no, stop it! You know I meant hurt as in pain!
BOB PAYNE
Wow, I honestly didn’t think I’d be included in this biopic, but it’s nice to know I made the grade!
LEW
That’s me again! I guess now the ball’s in my court!
HOLMES A COURT
Hi, I’m taking this company now. Get out of my office.

Lew Grade shakes Jim’s hand, carelessly throws his cigar over his shoulder, and starts to SING to UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC.
TONY GEISS’S “THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR”
LEW
YOU’RE A HIPPY
YOU’RE A HIPPY
BUT I DON’T MIND
THAT YOU’RE A HIPPY
YOU’RE A FREAK, BUT
I DON’T MIND IT
THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR
Lew does a little tap dance.

ORIGINAL TWEET

In a montage set to “YOU CAN’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER,” we see Jim and his team go to all of the American television networks and get doors slammed in their faces. Note that the song will have to be played at 900% speed since there are only three doors and this will not take long.
INT. BUS TERMINAL – DAY
Jim, Frank, Jerry, Jerry, Dave, Richard, and Don are all sitting in their lockers.
RICHARD
What do we do now?
JIM
I guess all we can do is pray.
They all close their eyes and bow their heads.
JIM (CONT’D)
O Mighty Favog, we humbly ask your blessing upon our-
Jim is interrupted by a MAN yelling for him.
WAITER (O.S.)
Mr. Hanson? Mr. Hanson?
The man is the STEVE MARTIN WAITER, who walks up to the lockers holding a telephone.
WAITER
Are you Hanson, as in “MMMBop?”
JIM
No, Henson, as in “HmmmBop.”
WAITER
Telephone call for you – it’s some British guy.

ORIGINAL TWEET

LEW
How would you like to see my Boomerang Fish act? I throw the fish away and they come back to me, like a boomerang!
JIM
That’s nice, but the reason I flew to England was to discuss your offer to produce The Muppet Show.