Caroll steps out on stage and notices Jim in the audience, making him speechless for a moment. Everyone else in the audience seems to disappear. Caroll snaps out of it.

CAROLL
What I am presenting to you tonight is an innovative new experiment in film and puppetry. Thank you.

Caroll steps into his puppet theater. To be clear, the puppet theater is different from the theater he’s in. Like, his puppet movie theater is on a stage in a real theater. So, it’s like, okay, so there’s a screen behind him, right? And there are three cones projected onto the screen, but they can only be seen if the spotlight in the theater isn’t on, and these cones are different from his puppet cones, but the puppet cones become cartoon cones. And, like, okay, so, okay, there’s also a record with music that plays when he kicks it with his knee. I’m explaining this terribly. God, this sucks. Kill me. Is anyone still reading this at this point? Should I just give up now? Okay, keep it together, you can do this, you’ve written scripts before, you got this, okay, okay, you can do this, okay, you got this, okay.

Caroll tries to do his show and it goes bad. He pulls out his hair and yells at a kid and almost falls into a huge pit. They turn off the light and he finishes his act with a flying bird thing. That’s the best I can describe it. Good luck making the shot list for this scene, suckers!!!

INT. PUPPETEER LOUNGE – NIGHT

Jim quietly walks up behind Caroll.

JIM
I saw your show. I liked what you were trying to do. You too, screenwriter! Good effort! Never give up!

The DICKENSIAN CHRISTMAS MUSIC ENDS as we see that the banter about apples has been coming from our narrators, GONZO and RIZZO THE RAT, dressed in 19th Century British attire and standing behind an apple cart.
GONZO
They won’t last long the way you’re eating them!
RIZZO
What can I say? Eating things is my main character trait!
GONZO
Rizzo–
Rizzo notices the audience and CLEARS HIS THROAT to signal Gonzo. Gonzo turns and looks at the audience.
GONZO
Hello! Welcome to The Jim Henson Biopic: The Musical! My name is Brian Jay Jones.
RIZZO
And my name is Rizzo the Ra– Hey, wait a second, you’re not Brian Jay Jones!
GONZO
I am too!
Rizzo opens his copy of Jim Henson: The Biography and shows Gonzo and the audience the author photo.
RIZZO
See this! You two don’t look anything alike!
GONZO
Well that’s just because he isn’t wearing his hat.
Gonzo puts a big hat on top of the book and poses for Rizzo. Rizzo smiles and nods with recognition.
RIZZO
Oh yeah… but that only proves that you’re identical, not that you’re the same person.
GONZO
Of course I am! I know everything about this story!
RIZZO
Oh yeah? What happens next?
GONZO
This scene will end at precisely the moment when the screenwriter has nowhere else to go with it.
RIZZO
And when will that be?
GONZO
Now.

As the Muppets finish singing “RAINBOW CONNECTION,” we DOLLY OUT to reveal every Muppet and Henson creature ever made singing along, and then ZOOM IN on just one Muppet:
WILKINS
Now what do you think of Jim Henson?
Wilkins shoots you.
THE END
FADE OUT

FADE IN
EXT. SESAME PLACE – DAY
We open on Sesame Street, USA, in Sesame Place at The Muppetland Resort. We DOLLY IN toward the iconic statue of Jim Henson and Kermit the Frog, with the Goblin City Castle behind it. Children pass by carrying Kermit balloons, eating Kermit ice cream bars, and wearing Fraggle tails.
MICHAEL EISNER, 56, walks into frame.
EISNER
Hello, I’m Michael Eisner, Chairman of The Jim Henson Company. On tonight’s program, we have two special treats for you. The first is a new film called, ‘A Bad Jim Henson Biopic,’ in which the Muppets try to tell the story of Jim Henson, but all their information is wrong. It’s kind of a science fiction story that takes place in an alternate universe where Jim Henson never bought The Walt Disney Company, and he dies at the age of 53. It sounds far-fetched, I know – especially the part where the second-billed co-star of ‘How I Met Your Mother’ gets to make his own Muppet movie – but Jim says we have to air it. After that, stay tuned for a sneak peek of our newest ride, Journey into Imagination Illustrated, featuring over a dozen animatronic Karen Falks singing together.

LEW
I’m glad you had a good time shooting the Crystal Gayle episode of The Muppet Show, but I still won’t let you make that movie about her.
JIM
What are you talking about?
LEW
Isn’t she supposed to play the Dark Crystal?
JIM
What? No. I don’t think you understand – the crystal won’t be played an actress. It’s stone.
LEW
Jon Stone is playing the Dark Crystal?
JIM
No, you know what a crystal is. It’s like a jewel.
JERRY JUHL
I’m playing the Dark Crystal?
JIM
Oh, good lord.
LEW
That’s me! Am I playing The Dark Crystal?
JIM
Yeesh. This is what I get for having artistic ambitions and lofty goals.
DAVE GOELZ
You called, sir?
JIM
Okay, this was cute for a little while, but now it’s just starting to hurt.
JOHN HURT
When people told themselves their past with stories–
JIM
No, no, stop it! You know I meant hurt as in pain!
BOB PAYNE
Wow, I honestly didn’t think I’d be included in this biopic, but it’s nice to know I made the grade!
LEW
That’s me again! I guess now the ball’s in my court!
HOLMES A COURT
Hi, I’m taking this company now. Get out of my office.

JOE HENNES
Hi, I’m Brian Henson. In this installment of the Muppet Man film franchise, Jerry Nelson thinks he’s finally gotten rid of Frank by getting him drafted, but– uh oh! The Army doesn’t want Frank! I guess they don’t appreciate high art. Now Frank and Jerry both want to right-hand for Rowlf, and Rowlf can’t have two right hands! Or can he?
Joe makes an inquisitive face with his hand on his chin.
JOE H (CONT’D)
He can’t. Enjoy this episode of The Muppet Man.

ORIGINAL TWEET

Jim’s head is inside of a toilet bowl.
JIM
Help.
A hand closes the lid and flushes the toilet. We TILT UP to reveal that the hand was Michael Eisner’s. He winks at the camera.
FADE OUT

ORIGINAL TWEET

JIM
I just don’t think I’m going to be able to pull this off. The Muppet Show is a failure. I’m a failure. I never do anything right.
BERNIE
Wow, that’s a weird thing for you to say since you’re usually an optimistic figure who seems unburdened by insecurity to the point that it’s hard to write a biopic that makes you a relatable character.
JIM
Gotcha! I have no doubts or insecurities and my attitude is positive!
BERNIE
You got me!

JIM
You just don’t understand me, Jane. To you, I’m just a man. But to them …
Jim looks upon his vast array of puppets stretching as far as the eye can see.
JIM (CONT’D)
To them, I’m a god.
JANE
(pleading)
Isn’t it enough to be just a man? That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
JIM
But I’m not just a man anymore, Jane ….
Jim looks at the camera, eerily.
JIM (CONT’D)
I’m the Muppet Man.

FADE IN:
INT. MUPPET WORKSHOP – DAY
JIM HENSON, 40, looks at the camera, smiling, holding an American Express card.
JIM
Do you know me? Because I sure as frog don’t. I don’t have a clue who the frog I am! Let’s watch this biopic to find out.