JIM
Hello there, my name is Jim Henson, and I’m here to ask you to stop thirst-Tweeting about me. It makes me uncomfortable. You see, I like to think of the Muppets as a family, and I’d like you to think of me as “daddy” as I put you over my knee and spank you, you naughty girl.

JOE HENNES
Hi, I’m Brian Henson. In this installment of the Muppet Man film franchise, Jerry Nelson thinks he’s finally gotten rid of Frank by getting him drafted, but– uh oh! The Army doesn’t want Frank! I guess they don’t appreciate high art. Now Frank and Jerry both want to right-hand for Rowlf, and Rowlf can’t have two right hands! Or can he?
Joe makes an inquisitive face with his hand on his chin.
JOE H (CONT’D)
He can’t. Enjoy this episode of The Muppet Man.

ORIGINAL TWEET

NARRATOR
Now, I never met Jim Henson myself, but I’ve worked with his friends and his characters so much that I guess you could say I’m overcompensating for that. Hi, I’m Whoopi Goldberg, and you know, they say that behind every great man is a greater woman, or at least a more womanly woman, usually. For Jim Henson, that woman was his dear friend Mildred Huxtetter. Historians attribute her with saving the Muppets after the infamous Connie Stevens episode of The Muppet Show nearly ruined the Muppets forever….

ORIGINAL TWEET