Jim hurriedly walks across The Muppet Show’s set to the UNION REPRESENTATIVE standing in the corner of the Elstree soundstage, eating haggis.
JIM
Can we please have an hour of overtime today so we can finish shooting this episode?
UNION REP
Jim, why do you do this to yourself? Every night at the end of the shoot you come here and ask if you can have overtime, when you know that’s not going to happen. According to our union rules, we don’t work overtime unless we all hold a vote and the decision to stay is unanimous. In the history of the studio, a unanimous approval has never happened.
JIM
Yeah, I know.
UNION REP
… Until today.
JIM
What?
UNION REP
The crew talked it over and all agreed that, since it’s your last day and all, we’d like to thank you for being such a swell guy by giving you an hour of overtime.
JIM
Wow, that’s terrific! Now we have time to film that “Singin’ in the Rain” num– Oh shoot, I think that was Mr. Kelly who just bolted out the door in a sprint yelling “I’m free, I’m free, they’ll never make me sing that song again, NEVER, NEVER, HAHAHA!”
UNION REP
Yep, that was him.
JIM
Why isn’t anyone stopping him? Doesn’t Elstree Studios have security guards for this kind of thing?
UNION REP
You mean the Stormtroopers? You won’t get much help from them. According to their union rules, they don’t work overtime unless they all hold a vote and the decision to stay is unanimous….

JIM
Hello there, my name is Jim Henson and I’m a puppeteer looking for love. Are you the love I’ve been waiting for? I like long walks on Hampstead Heath, novelty records, The Wizard of Oz, and going to see Les Misérables again to cry and cry and cry. For me, the ideal date would be a steak dinner so I can do my “manly man cutting the steak” voice, and then we’ll have some poor waiter bring out a big dessert tray and explain each and every one of them to me as I wiggle my finger at them and say, “so what’s that one there?” It’s really great. If that sounds like a nice date to you, why don’t you come down to New York and talk about the Muppets?

FRANK
Hello there, my name is Frank Oz and I’m a puppeteer – just for now – looking for love. I like long talks about the craft of filmmaking, high art, and character purity. For me, the ideal date would be going to the store for a can of beans and not even recognizing each other.

CAROLL
Hello there, my name is Caroll Spinney and I’m a puppeteer. Before I ask you out, do you have any old photos of yourself with different hairstyles so I can verify whether or not I’ve asked you already?

JANE
Jim is doing what now?!

RICHARD
Hello there, my name is Richard Hunt and I’m a puppeteer. When I’m not performing one of my characters, I’m often working as a right-hander. What I’m looking for in a partner is a two-hander.

JERRY JUHL
Hello there, my name is Jerry Juhl and I used to be a puppeteer. I was actually the first one to join the Muppets after Jim and Jane! Kind of a big deal, right? What I’m looking for in a woman is someone who won’t threaten to turn me into a frog like my last one. God, she was hot.

BOB PAYNE
Hello there, remember me?? I was the first puppeteer to join the Muppets after Jim and Jane, not Jerry!!! Look it up! What I’m looking for in a partner is someone who will remember I exist.

JERRY NELSON
Sorry, what was his name again? “Bob Payne,” you said? Nope, never heard of him.

EISNER
Hello, I’m Michael Eisner, chairman and CEO of The Walt Disney Company. What I’m looking for in a partner is someone honest, dependable, loyal, respectful, obedient, and with a strong sense of corporate ethics. What I don’t want is someone who wastes company money like Michael Ovitz. For me, the ideal date would be stealing the rights to Sesame Street.

BRIAN
Hi, I’m Brian Henson. This dating video stars Brian Henson, the son of my father, Jim Henson. My father once tried to set me up with Debbie Harry, and I often tell the story of when everyone from The Muppet Show had dinner with her and watched her butt as she walked away. We took great pride in that. I guess the love I’ve been waiting for is Debbie Harry’s butt. For me, the perfect date would be hiding from David Bowie.

CAROLL
Hello there, my na– I have? Oh, sorry, never mind.

JIM
What I really want to do is bring peace to the world.
BELAFONTE
That’s what I want to do too! Have you organized any marches or been at the forefront of major social movements like I have?
JIM
No, but I’ve made a puppet vaudeville show.
BELAFONTE
Wow, you’re my hero and I’m going to speak at your memorial service!

LEW
I’m glad you had a good time shooting the Crystal Gayle episode of The Muppet Show, but I still won’t let you make that movie about her.
JIM
What are you talking about?
LEW
Isn’t she supposed to play the Dark Crystal?
JIM
What? No. I don’t think you understand – the crystal won’t be played an actress. It’s stone.
LEW
Jon Stone is playing the Dark Crystal?
JIM
No, you know what a crystal is. It’s like a jewel.
JERRY JUHL
I’m playing the Dark Crystal?
JIM
Oh, good lord.
LEW
That’s me! Am I playing The Dark Crystal?
JIM
Yeesh. This is what I get for having artistic ambitions and lofty goals.
DAVE GOELZ
You called, sir?
JIM
Okay, this was cute for a little while, but now it’s just starting to hurt.
JOHN HURT
When people told themselves their past with stories–
JIM
No, no, stop it! You know I meant hurt as in pain!
BOB PAYNE
Wow, I honestly didn’t think I’d be included in this biopic, but it’s nice to know I made the grade!
LEW
That’s me again! I guess now the ball’s in my court!
HOLMES A COURT
Hi, I’m taking this company now. Get out of my office.

In a montage set to “YOU CAN’T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER,” we see Jim and his team go to all of the American television networks and get doors slammed in their faces. Note that the song will have to be played at 900% speed since there are only three doors and this will not take long.
INT. BUS TERMINAL – DAY
Jim, Frank, Jerry, Jerry, Dave, Richard, and Don are all sitting in their lockers.
RICHARD
What do we do now?
JIM
I guess all we can do is pray.
They all close their eyes and bow their heads.
JIM (CONT’D)
O Mighty Favog, we humbly ask your blessing upon our-
Jim is interrupted by a MAN yelling for him.
WAITER (O.S.)
Mr. Hanson? Mr. Hanson?
The man is the STEVE MARTIN WAITER, who walks up to the lockers holding a telephone.
WAITER
Are you Hanson, as in “MMMBop?”
JIM
No, Henson, as in “HmmmBop.”
WAITER
Telephone call for you – it’s some British guy.

ORIGINAL TWEET

NARRATOR
Now, I never met Jim Henson myself, but I’ve worked with his friends and his characters so much that I guess you could say I’m overcompensating for that. Hi, I’m Whoopi Goldberg, and you know, they say that behind every great man is a greater woman, or at least a more womanly woman, usually. For Jim Henson, that woman was his dear friend Mildred Huxtetter. Historians attribute her with saving the Muppets after the infamous Connie Stevens episode of The Muppet Show nearly ruined the Muppets forever….

ORIGINAL TWEET